I’ve been reading this tumblr for a while, and today I remembered something that happened on Shakesville that really bothered me.
In one of the “dose of cute” threads, a commenter mad up a caption for one of the pictures, in lolspeak. Unfortunately, they used the word “this”, which in lolspeak becomes “dis”. One of the mods ripped them at least one new asshole, saying that their comment was racist and written in a blackface-style voice.
Naturally, Liss and the other mods went back to using lolspeak whenever they pleased, almost immediately. Whether on purpose or by chance, though, they avoided words that sounded racial. So that made it okay, I guess.
I’d be the last person to defend an actual racist comment, but that one wasn’t it. Even if someone just couldn’t stand to see it, surely there was a way to be nicer about asking people to be careful when using lolspeak. It’s not like they don’t edit comments whenever they want to, as you’ve pointed out. FFS, for all the mod new, that commenter WAS Black, and they chased off a black reader
Lolspeak isn’t even racial or racist. The mod of a blog that’s on the internet, and uses it’s memes so frequently, should know lolspeak when they see it.
The entire Great Expectations threat was textbook example of emotional abuse and manipulative tactics. Getting all guilt trippy on people and accusing them of being ungrateful. Anyone with emotionally abusive/borderline parents/partners knows the drill. “i have done all this for you. You are an ungrateful brat. I wasted all these years and made sacrifices for you and this is how you repay me. You are horrible, you are garbage , you are ungrateful. I hope you are happy with what you have done, all this work I have done JUST FOR YOU and YOU ARE NOT HAPPY and NOW I AM MISERABLE BECAUSE OF YOOOOOOOOUUUU” - effectively shifting the blame onto the other person and tormenting them by making them feel like they are responsible for her emotional well being.
The fact that as abuse victims themselves (not all but a lot of them are) her audience doesn’t grasp that and keeps tip toeing around here and frantically apologizing left and right like any abused person does when it comes to their abuser is what makes all this just really tragic. I really feel sorry for her audience. They think they are being part of a community but really it’s all about Melissa, her needs, wants, concerns etc and everyone else is to just cater to those needs as needed and if they don’t, they get booted..
I am still flabbergasted at her writing a post, opening it up for discussion and making disclaimers in parenthesis explaining what aspects of her posts she wants to discuss and what aspects of it OTHERS are allowed to discuss. That is the most ludicrous thing I have ever seen anyone do on any blog.
A few weeks ago she was having a post on nurses and explained how her ex husband was a great nurse and she directed everyone to write about their experiences with nurses. But she barred anyone form making critical comments. Only good ones were allowed because Melissa was on a roll about the good nurses and stable so no one was allowed to burst that bubble. She needed to be indulged and needed the appropriate audience.
After everything I have seen her do and say I doubt she cares about them. She just seems to need warm bodies to fulfill her purpose, tell her what she wants to and NEEDS to hear to stay sane and anyone who deviates from that will be banned.
Looking at her overall pattern in that regard and what’s been said here with respect to her neuroses, I have come to the conclusion that Melissa is using this blog as nothing but an echochamber, a personal therapy session where it’s all about her and her needs, wants and discussions and outsiders are merely invited and tolerated to the extent to which they can successfully cater to those needs and feed her neuroses. Like “I am happy Obama won and I am very enthusiastic and stable at the moment. I want every comment to reflect that without exception.” When people did’t, because they are not her puppets, she had a meltdown.
That right there doesn’t sound like someone who cares about her audience or what they think and what they may have to say. This is someone using others to feed her needs.
Anonymous asked: In the "all in" post I saw a abused person feeling guilty and bad and unwanted in the 'safe space' cuz they sent Liss a thank you email, I mean REALLY?, this is real life!
This shit they pull makes me so angry.
Anonymous asked: I don't understand how suggestions that she communicate her expectations about how folks behave in her space are met with "HOW DARE YOU ASK MELISSA TO WORK HARDER?" Yes, how dare people ask her to use her words and communicate like a grown ass adult. It just seems like there's a crowd of people (mods) invested in being her protectors and they can't be protectors if she learns more effective communications skills and tames the overwhelming paranoia.
I think you hit it right there. She’s built this cult of personality (god knows how) and the people closest to her then feel special just by virtue of being her friend and defender. They won’t give that up.
Anonymous asked: In your opinion, who is the worst of the Shakesville mods? Its been pointed out before, but I think a tie between Deeky and Scott Madin might be my answer, on account of having two white men as primary (approved) bullies and enforcers just turns the entire blog upside down. SUB QUESTION: If you were to meet an SV mod in person, who would you want it to be, and what would you have to say to them?
I’d have to go with Deeky because even though he and Scott both love to jump in and lecture women on feminism, Deeky is just an outright asshole.
I really can’t think of any mod I’d want to meet in person.
Anonymous asked: So you don't have to lurk around Shakesville very long to figure out that at this point Melissa pretty much hates blogging and is resentful of her community for, well, existing really. And the mods are so anxious about the prospect of another meltdown that they jump like attack dogs on anything which could conceivably trigger said meltdown. It's a horrible situation for all concerned. Someone should stage an intervention.
She seems to really love being in that position, though. Suffering for the community so that everyone bends around her needs.
Anonymous asked: i hate how shakesville has monopolized and made a joke out of anything to do fat politics/activism. :/ anything important can just be lol'd away with fatstronaut bs because of her
As a former regular reader and occasional commenter, my recollection is that things at Shakesville started going off the rails after Melissa and Amanda Marcotte were hired by the Edwards campaign. There was some predictable right-wing outrage over it, Edwards wound up un-hiring them, and Melissa says she received death threats. After that, a definite streak of defensiveness and paranoia began seeping into her posts, her co-bloggers’ posts, and eventually the entire community. It’s only gotten worse with time.